52 Weeks Project | Week Thirty Two

This week has been an odd one! I’ve felt inspiration, sadness, relief in a way and also a good dose of happiness.

On Monday I travelled down to Dover to see my family, and as well to visit the pier where we scattered mum’s ashes. More on that here but let’s just say it was an odd morning, I’m working on not being so attached to places in regards to my grief because I know I can’t always be there for the important days and in the future the case will be the same. In the past knowing that I won’t be able to visit this little spot has made me really upset and sometimes that amplifies the feelings of grief and drags me into a deeper mood, so in a way I was relieved that I felt a sense of calm at the pier this time. It helped to wrap my head round not being able to visit there any more, and is part of a bigger battle of object permanence with not only the pier but with other places.

Wooooh that was deeper than I expected it to be. Basically I’m trying to control grief rather than let it control me, because the bad days are rouuugh, and if I can have less of them that’d be fantastic.

Happier moments of this week were spending time with the family, despite all too brief a time, and with friends. On Wednesday evening I went to a lovely little place in Greenwich, where I feel I’ll be re-visiting quite a bit, to see my friend Katharine performing a set of her music and covers which was delightful. You can see snippets of her set here and I’ll be writing a little blog about The Jetty etc, I’ll pop the link here when it’s up :)

Lee & I at the puiz!

Then on Thursday I went to a pub quiz hosted by Dewynters which was great fun – hopefully a blog about that will be up soon too and if so it’ll be linked! Spoiler – we weren’t last in the quiz which I was thrilled about as it was really bloody difficult!

I’ve cheated a bit with the photo this week. The portrait is actually from when I visited the pier at Christmas, but the tattoo overlay is from Tuesday. I’ve changed so much in the eight months since then, so much in my life has changed too. I’d like to think I’m generally a lot stronger now too, time will tell on that one.

More and more each week I’m focusing on the future which is helpful – I still find it really frustrating that I have no clue specifically what I want to do career-wise but at least now I’m 100% sure on what changes I want to make next year.

That’s a start!

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