A year and a day ago I found out about my mother’s death and it threw everything into the air, nothing in my life felt the same anymore.
The year since then has been a whirlwind. There’s been a lot of good and a lot of bad, but overall I’m proud of myself for just getting through it regardless. It’s so strange how you have a sort of plan for the next few years of your life and within minutes that can easily be scrapped without you even choosing so. A year and two days ago I honestly didn’t think the next couple of years would be anything but studying and finishing my degree, perhaps gaining more work experience in Central London, furthering potential career options and just generally doing what every other adolescent my age is up to.
Instead, I was forced into a situation that most people don’t have to face until they’re much older, and it’s scary how much already it’s changed so much of me. In some situations I am very much an adult, then in others I feel like a child still; I can see in my eyes how much the past year has aged me.
Anyway, I digress. When it comes to my emotions, I like to lock them away, ignore them or try to forget about them – oftentimes this really doesn’t help with the situation but the stubborn side of my personality doesn’t allow me to show much publicly in the way of raw emotion.
Instead, I like to escape. Either to a happier place in my mind, or physically a better place. Last summer I fled to France with no set return date, and now with this being the week of the worst anniversary of my life I’m in Iceland, far away from all those bad memories.
Specifically, 1,146 miles away.
It’s like this magical, beautiful country is acting as a cleanser. Surprisingly I haven’t cried once this week (and honestly that’s quite a feat for me), it feels like I’m overcoming something. For once, I feel like maybe I’m dealing with things. This could all come crumbling down when we touch down in the UK again, who knows, but I know that we’ve done the right thing coming out here rather than being in the country where everything is too prevalent.
Here everything is new and exciting, and I’ll wrap this blog up now as I’m about to take an outside shower in Icelandic wind at 0°C (yes, really).